Master the Four Archetypes to Attract the Right Type for True Love

cover art of CBaS episode with Ana Lennyr

Listen to this episode to learn the four archetypes of men and women and how you can use them to attract the partner you want and build a relationship based on true love. Don’t miss the test that you should do on every first date.


Ana Lennyr is a premier life strategist who specializes in helping teenagers and adults build strong and supportive family relationships. By addressing the root cause that holds people back, Ana Lennyr removes any and all excuses and replaces them with reasons and opportunities. She hosts the True Secrets of Life Radio Show with Ana Lennyer, helping her audience prevent and overcome heartbreak, anxiety, and depression.

The Four Elements

In the interview, Ana talks about the four elements water, earth, fire, and air as archetypes of squares that we can move between to create different energies. You may be familiar with these elements from Eastern religions and frameworks, for example, Taoism. We don’t talk about that in the interview, but I want to acknowledge that these four elements show up in many ways of being.

We recorded this episode on August 1, 2022.

How do you master all four energies that we talked about, water, fire, air, and earth? Because if you master them all, then you are emotionally balanced, and you don’t depend on a man, no matter who he is, you’re going to find somebody balanced, and you’re going to have a true love relationship, not just a relationship that gets destroyed after two to seven years.

Your Challenge Invitation

Think about your past relationships. Write down on paper all the things that you have learned from them. Each thing that you write needs to be positive, so it can’t be something that you want to avoid. If you add something negative to the list, there is a lesson there still to be learned.

When you’re done, take a moment to look at the list, at all the things that you have learned in your prior relationships. How can you use that in your current or next romantic relationship?

Contact and follow Ana on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, and her two main websites and

You can connect with Damianne on the Changes BIG and small website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. You’re also invited to join the Changes BIG and small Facebook community.

You need to know who do you want in your life. Who you are, and who do you want?

Similar Episodes

Timeline of the Chat

[00:27] The meaning of true love
[03:12] The game of love and attraction
[06:52] Identifying the four archetypes in relationships
[08:37] Attracting the “right” element
[11:26] Are you a Bambi or a Godzilla
[15:42] True Love Secrets
[17:23] Invitation/Challenge
[19:51] Is he a man or a gentleman
[21:39] Opposites do attract
[28:42] Carrying pain with you
[31:54] Identifying pain and hurt
[33:50] Tips for a first date

The moment when you don’t need somebody, so I’m happy. I am happy. I can be with you, or I cannot be with you. It doesn’t affect my happiness. We can be happy together, or we can be happy separate. That moment, you are not looking for a codependent situation. You are not subconsciously looking for love because you don’t have it and because you need it, you need somebody to love you. That moment, everything switches. I love you, but I’m going to be fine without you. Your decision was how you feel. That’s fine.

Enjoyed this episode? Please click this link to rate the podcast.

You can love each other and be separate. You don’t have to say, if you love me, then, and a lot of times we do this unconsciously.

You need to get to the moment where you have a relationship and say, honey, I love you, I want to be with you, but I’m going to be fine without you. And they have to say the same. That moment, that’s true love.

Transcript of the Episode

[00:27] The meaning of true love

[00:27] Damianne President: let’s start. What does true love mean to you?

[00:30] Ana Lennyr: True loves means a love where there is no pain involved. So you are not afraid of heartbreak. You’re not coming into the relationship in any way, shape, or form closed in because you were suffering in the past that you haven’t healed.

One of our things that we do is we heal from heartbreak because if you just going from a relationship to another, to another, you bring pain into it. And when the relationship has to do with pain, it’s just a matter of time until it explodes. The relationship based on true love means trust, respect, understanding, and evolving as an individual as well as with your partner. And you can transform in the relationship.

People change, specifically women change all the time in relationships; men don’t change so much. So understanding how this dynamic works, you can play the game of relationship and have true love associated with growing and expansion because yes, you can do more things in a couple than you can do by yourself. But if it is painful, you’re going to stop yourself from doing those things. So this is what true love means for me.

[01:41] Damianne President: You said that women change all the time, but not men. Tell me more about that.

[01:47] Ana Lennyr: We change every month; so there are changes in our system. We are built for change. We have kids. Well, men don’t change their blood. They don’t change so quickly. For men to change has to be usually a tremendous amount of pain and suffering involved and they grow slower than women. When they’re coming to me, they’re all the time saying my husband never changed. And he’s saying my wife changed.

Men expect women to never change. Women, they want men to grow, to evolve, to do more. And they don’t understand. They always think that are we getting married and then I’m going to change my husband. I’m going to change his behavior. We’re very good at manipulation as women and we think that by manipulating them, we have something to win. And the only thing we win is conflict.

[02:42] Damianne President: Are we good at manipulation? Or we think we’re good at manipulation.

[02:45] Ana Lennyr: We are good at manipulation, but also men are very good of noticing it.

[02:49] Damianne President: That’s what I mean, because it, it stops working when the person …

[02:53] Ana Lennyr: They see through it. I mean, it’s not like you’ve never seen somebody has tried to manipulate you. In a way or another, you have seen that. What can be new secrets that I teach is how to understand the relationship, cause it matters. Your partner, the right one for you, might not be the right one for me. 

[03:12] The game of love and attraction

[03:12] Damianne President: The second part, when you talked about true love, you also talked about evolving alone and evolving together. And when I think of evolving, I think, okay, that means that as change happens, people have to continue to be aligned, but there needs to be check-ins on some sort of cycle.

[03:31] Ana Lennyr: It’s alignment, but it’s a little bit different. So the game is played with four pieces. There are four types of men and four types of women. And most men and women have two of these types more predominant, or just one, which is really bad; if they have three or more, it’s better. So just to give you an idea about the four men and women archetype, which I always teach on my course, true love There is the water person, the fire person, the air person, the earth person and these are men and women; they’re different men and women.

So let’s say we have two of them. Let’s say you have water and earth as a woman. You’re going to attract a man that has fire and air, exactly what you don’t have; it’s how attraction works. But attraction is conflict because you are similar in certain ways, you’re different in certain ways. But you understand that you have to depend on one another because it’s different energies. And you said, oh, my husband is my rock. Or my wife was my rock or things like that. So you are building relationship crutches instead of learning from each other.

But the game is only played on four pieces: water, fire, air, and earth. It depends where you are and where the other person is. Let’s say you’re both air, you’re both fire, relationship has to separate; it doesn’t work like that. You’re knocking heads. You won’t probably even be attracted by these people. So it’s very simple. Here is the trick.

You need to know exactly who you are. You need to know exactly who you are going to attract in your life, and how to play on these pieces to get what you want, not somebody broken on a square out there. For example, I am fire and air. I will always attract men who are water and earth. But if I am in the negative side of my two squares of my two positions, I’m going to find broken men on the other two positions and that’s going to be a problem. You can change positions at any time if you know how to change that. And you can incorporate all four in your life, in the positive side of the element. When you do that, then you’re going to find somebody that’s stable with you. So you need to know exactly who you are to make sure that you are not suffering.

For example, I am a queen. I am an air element. So it’s very simple in my life to find water men. Water men in the positive side of the element are poets. Well, I’m not satisfied with a poet because I’m a woman of action. I intimidate the poet. So I need to master the other elements to make sure I don’t scare anybody, specifically my husband.

These kind of positions need to be identified and mastered. That is a position of empowerment that is in each one of them, a position of failure, a position where pain resides and makes you jealous and makes you narcissist and makes you abusive and makes you depressed.

[06:48] Damianne President: I’m wondering how do I know who I am? How do I know what other people are? 

[06:52] Identifying the four archetypes in relationships

[06:52] Ana Lennyr: Exactly. We have a course about this, three and a half hours to know what other people are, but it’s quite simple if you think about it.

The water element is the one for princess or a creator element. It’s also the victim. The fire element is like me, all the time in the rush, like Angelina Jolie. There are a lot of actors, a lot of managers in that position. It’s like, let’s go, go, go, go, go, go, go. People get exhausted to keep on going nonstop; it’s too much. These are the fire elements.

 Air elements are CEOs of companies. They have business, they have vision. They’re like Elon Musk. They don’t care about family. Exactly like me. I have a kid home, but my kid has to learn to manage by himself because I have to travel to save people from depression. Sorry, you are the secondary part of the equation right now, because there are so many people hurt in the world. So I am the air element, the business element. Let’s go, let’s do it. Let’s see the vision, and then I have to explain it to my team.

 The earth element will be the king, the one that takes care of all the household, the domain or the mother, the mother that takes care of being a soccer mom, takes care of a garden takes care of a kids or pets, everything else. It’s an element of stability where values reside, where you are building things. Everything else up to that level is just conceptual, if you think about it.

By looking at these elements, for example, let’s say that you want to build a table. The idea of making a table, that is water. Fire will be the driver. I really want to take this table into the world because it’s just an amazing design, amazing table. Air is like I’m working on it. I’m actually making the table. And earth is the result, the actual table. 

[08:37] Attracting the “right” archetype

[08:37] Damianne President: So if somebody is listening and they think, oh, I really want to attract somebody who is a fire person. Then that means they shouldn’t be a fire as well, because that’s not going to work.

[08:52] Ana Lennyr: And the fire, the men specifically, they put their women first. In these four types of men specifically, that is only one that puts a woman first, that’s fire men. But most women feel attracted to air men who never cares about the family. He’s vision. He’s freedom. He’s not built for raising kids. He’s just not built for that; that is the earth element.

 If you are a man and you want your woman to love you, nothing else, if you pick a water woman that’s not broken, that’s not depressed, that woman is going to make you rich. That woman doesn’t even know how to drive, doesn’t know how to open a computer, doesn’t know how to send an email, never worked a day in her life. But that woman just by loving you the right way, gives her man the energy.

You need to know who you are and who you want to be able to switch these energies. For example, I’m a business woman, right? I get people out a depression, stuff like that. If I talk the same way I talk to you or on these videos or in my radio show the true secrets of life, if I do these things with my husband, I will not have a husband. Very simple. Here you need to know when you are coming home is like, honey, you are in charge now. I was in charge with everything out there, with everything that I need to do for my business. When he’s gone, I’ll take care of a house; I’m in charge of the house. When he’s here, I don’t know anything. I don’t even know where the spoon is. I do know, but it’s just, I shut down one door to give him the opportunity to be a king in his own house.

[10:32] Damianne President: Is that the only way to be as a woman in a successful relationship?

[10:37] Ana Lennyr: I need to step out of my own element to go into another one. This is why I said that the game is played in just four squares. You need to master them all and to know when to retreat. I’m in that strength, I’m in that element. I’m in that passion where, you know, I take over very easily everything and everybody. But I make sure he sees as less as possible of me as a CEO of my company, and more as me as a woman, as his wife that he needs to take care of.

[11:10] Damianne President: So let’s focus on one of these elements for women, that they should work on developing in their life. Which one would that be?

[11:20] Ana Lennyr: That depends who you are. You need to work on all of the others. That’s the amazing thing.

[11:26] Are you a Bambi or a Godzilla

[11:26] Damianne President: Let’s say that we don’t know anything about this. People have just gotten exposed to these ideas for the first time listening to you. What should they think about in terms of the way that they show up in relationships?

[11:38] Ana Lennyr: Well then, because probably your audience is more women, they should think about, do you consider yourself a Bambi or Godzilla, as a woman?

Like for example, I’m Godzilla, I’m clear Godzilla, right? I’m clearly with that male energy, my voice, how I behave, my body type, everything. So do you consider yourself more as a Bambi or more of a Godzilla? That’s a first question. Bambi, you will be water, which means either a creator, a person calm, relaxed, slower, introvert, or mother with garden, with kids, with pets, with things like that. Even if you don’t have kids, you can have pets and garden.

Godzilla would be fire. Fire would be like, you like high heels, you like to dress in red, you like to be seen, you like to move your butt, you like to be beautiful, you never come out of house with no makeup. Or the air element, like I am businesswoman, talking to men, being on stage with millionaires, mostly all of them men, not feeling any kind of I’m different just …

[12:42] Damianne President: No intimidation or …

[12:44] Ana Lennyr: Exactly. So who are you? Are you more Bambi or more Godzilla? That’s the first thing because who you are, you’re going to attract the opposite? So let’s say that you are more Godzilla. You’re going to attract men that never have a plan. You know, I was thinking about doing this and like you were thinking about for the last 10 years, you didn’t do anything. It’s like slow people that you cannot rush; they get emotionally troubled. It’s like, oh, this is too much for me. I’m overwhelmed. This is what you’re going to attract if you’re a Godzilla like me. And then if you are a Bambi, then you going to attract Godzilla men. Godzilla men are the ones abusive, are narcissists, are the ones that are using you, are the ones that are going to put you in a corner immediately.

[13:36] Damianne President: You’re listening to Changes Big and Small with Damianne President. Changes Big and Small will help you take action in your life with intention and purpose. In each episode, I invite you to accept unexpected challenges that will help you take action to live the life that you want.

[13:56] Damianne President: And these are in the worst case, right, like not all godzilla men are that way.

[14:00] Ana Lennyr: So here you need to make sure number one, that there is no pain that you’re carrying. Every pain that you carry, any kind of emotional wounding needs to be resolved because you’re just going to find somebody that’s going to poke at your wounds. This is why relationship happened because you need to grow, evolve. And you cannot grow in pain. So you’re going to find somebody that doesn’t keep poking on your wound.

So that’s the first thing: you need to make sure you don’t drag with you any kind of pain. Can be from the past relationships, can be from your family, you can be from heartbreak, can be anything. And the second thing, how do you master all four energies that we talked about, water, fire, air, and earth? Because if you master them all, then you are emotionally balanced and you don’t depend on a man, no matter who he is, you’re going to find somebody balanced and you’re going to have a true love relationship, not just a relationship that gets destroyed after two to seven years, a true love relationship based on trust, respect, understanding, and evolving, and based on the fact that you are growing, not codependent on one another. You are inter-dependent on each other and you’re fine by yourself. So at the end of my course, which is three and a half hours, I usually tell everybody, you need to get to the moment where you have a relationship and say, honey, I love you, I want to be with you, but I’m going to be fine without you. And they have to say the same. That moment, that’s true love.

[15:42] True Love Secrets

[15:42] Damianne President: Anna. I know you have a course and people can learn more about it.

[15:46] Ana Lennyr: The course is on true love And we have a radio show and an academy on true secrets of The price of the academy is $27 for a whole year access. But we do have a relationship course because the relationship course is very important. It’s not only important for how you date, how you find a partner. It’s important how you keep the partner. It’s important how you transform your partner. Maybe you are in a marriage and you feel bad. Understanding how your partner thinks before he speaks is very important. Understanding specifically how an air man thinks before he speaks. He never cares about family. He will tell you whatever, but you need to know how he thinks before you start having kids with him because that’s going to be a disaster.

In the meantime, you can have kids with an earth man because those care to put you first, for your family. But water man doesn’t really care too much except for his creation, not even his success in creating; he just cares about what he puts in the world out there.

Each one of these men, you punish them in a different way. You do not want to punish an air man or an earth man having fits or not giving them sex, or stuff like that. You’re going to be off a door in one hour. You need to know how to maneuver them without them being forced into anything that they don’t want. So maneuver them, but not manipulate them. 

[17:23] Invitation/Challenge

[17:23] Damianne President: Besides checking out your websites and learning about your courses, is there some invitation that you have for listeners of something they can do to have healthier relationships wherever they are in their lives?

[17:37] Ana Lennyr: When I first started this journey, I was depressed for 27 years of my life. And most of the reasons why I was depressed was because I never healed from my first marriage. I went to the second one and I dragged all my pain with me. And the second one got destroyed. So you think you heal but until you don’t do the right steps, you don’t open your heart, and you don’t bring any kind of pain involved in it like shame, rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, heartbreak, any of these things, or just misconceptions about love. One of our modules in our course is misconceptions about love cause everybody thinks that I’m going to give them everything and they should love me back. No, it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t, it’s not what they want for you to suffocate them. We want to live their own space. So misconceptions about love is the first thing we talk about. Never get into a relationship until you are fully knowing what you’re doing. Very simple. Otherwise you’re just going to get hurt over and over again. And at some point you become emotionally numb. You’re closing your heart. You stop looking for a partner.

[18:48] Damianne President: Are you enjoying listening to this podcast? Please take a minute to review it wherever you’re listening. This helps other people find the show.

[19:00] Damianne President: Is there a small action, is there something that people can do in a few minutes to get started on this journey?

[19:07] Ana Lennyr: In a few minutes to get started in the journey, think about what you have solved and what you haven’t solved. Think about what you have learned from previous relationships. And when you put it down on paper what you have learned, it cannot be negative. So there is nothing negative that you can put down. You haven’t learned if there is anything negative. So put only on paper positive things you have learned from relationships. Start there.

[19:34] Damianne President: I’m just thinking about the no negative things.

[19:38] Ana Lennyr: I was like, exactly. What are you going to put on? Cannot be negative. Cannot be like, I’m never going to meet a guy who does that. I’m never going to meet a girl. No, no, no, no. Cannot be negative or have any kind of negative connotation. 

[19:51] Is he a man or a gentleman

[19:51] Damianne President: I remember going on a date with a guy once and I was from out of town, we’d been talking online for a while and he said, oh, when you’re in town, I’ll take you out. And I was kind of excited cuz I was like, oh great, he’ll plan something for us to do.

I remember showing up and he had no plans. Basically the plan was for us to meet. And then he presented me with a litany of choice. We can do this or we can do this or we can do that. And I remember feeling exhausted because I expected him to, you know, it’s his city to have a plan.

[20:27] Ana Lennyr: We call these, not gentlemen. We make the selection between ordinary men who do not have a plan, who do not know how to become protectors of a woman, because if he would’ve had a plan, you would’ve felt protected. We’re going there. Even if I don’t like it, it’s okay. I’m going to find something that I like to eat. It’s not a big deal. One day, one guy invited me to a seafood restaurant and guess what? I don’t eat seafood too much. You know, something, I ate a little bit of seafood. I was not allergic or anything. It’s okay. It was wonderful. You know, it’s alright. Okay, poor man didn’t know that I don’t eat seafood. But you know, the gesture makes you feel protected and then they’re gentleman.

So you just found a regular man, a regular man who is always trying to please you, to give you all these options. And then there are gentleman, those that take control, but not in a bad way. They have the plan. Even if you not comfortable with a plan, like, you know, you don’t eat seafood, it’s fine. I found some vegetables there and some rice, not a big deal. So things like this, that it matters who you are too. Are you a woman or are you a lady? Because this is also how you’re going to attract men.

[21:39] Opposites do attract

[21:39] Damianne President: I was reflecting on this because I’m the planner. Whenever I go out with friends or whenever we’re going on a trip or anything like that, I’m the person who does the research and has okay, in the morning, this is what I’d like to do. In the afternoon, this is what I’d like to do. I’m not usually the person who’s like, oh, I don’t know. I don’t care. Like I have opinions.

[22:02] Ana Lennyr: I told you, you always find the opposite to learn. Listen, this guy was very relaxed by making somebody else make the choices. You were not. But in a relationship as a woman, you don’t feel protected by such men; they’re just regular men. They’re not gentleman. You want somebody that has more power to it. And to find somebody with more power than you, you need to step a little bit back.

[22:29] Damianne President: So then I’m thinking like, how would he know though? Because I mean, we ….

[22:33] Ana Lennyr: It’s a matter of energy and attraction, that’s it.

[22:36] Damianne President: So if I want a man who’s a planner, that means I can’t be a planner in other areas of my life?

[22:43] Ana Lennyr: You can be a planner in other things, but you need to step into the Bambi energy that you don’t know anything, where the spoon is, when you are with him. So seriously, step into that energy, not fake it.

[22:57] Damianne President: But it sounds like it’s not even when just with him, because then if it’s a matter of energy, then it transcends that particular interaction with that person, right?

[23:07] Ana Lennyr: But if you know exactly how to switch between the four squares …. I switch all the time. You should see how I go when I want something from somebody, how I play Bambi and how it’s like, oh, thank you very much, you’re so amazing. And everybody looks at me, what, is she the same person. So she has multiple personalities? But the men are just coming to help me, right. And one time, those guys, can I help you with the waters? Yes, yes, yes, they’re so heavy. And I was thinking he barely was helping me with the waters. Like I can pick you up and waters, you know. But I really stepped into that energy of really thanking him, of being genuine into that energy because the moment you can do this, it’s when you know how to switch on and off.

[23:52] Damianne President: I think that requires a bit of a mindset shift because I can think of a friend who does this very well and sometimes, watching her do this is very uncomfortable for me because the story that I say is that it’s inauthentic, switching so much all the time

[24:10] Ana Lennyr: That’s all about the energy. Like when I tell a guy you are wonderful and you’re amazing, I find something that I believe is really wonderful and amazing about that guy. Doesn’t matter if it’s his eyes, doesn’t matter if it’s how he dresses. Maybe I don’t find that to all of a guy and everything is wonderful and amazing about him, but I really find a part that I believe it’s wonderful and amazing about this person.

So it’s not I’m lying in any way, shape, or form. I just find something that I can hold onto to be genuine, not inauthentic. But yes, you’re at the level of exactly like I used to be, at the level of perfectionist and I have to show men what I can and what I do and what my job is, and how much I accomplished. And they don’t care about that. They never care about that.

[24:56] Damianne President: No, not so much about showing men, but what I’m thinking is that it connects back to what you said about doing your own work as well. Because I think that generosity with other people also takes from how generous you are to yourself.

And so when you talk about being perfectionist, this morning I was doing a meditation on love, on not finding but expanding your capacity to love. And one of the instructions was to think about some positive experience that you were very enthusiastic about. Afterwards I was reflecting that, okay, this was harder than it should have been. So I’m like, okay, you need to do this more as a habit, like you need to do this more often because it was too difficult. You’ve been very fortunate in your life. There are lots of things you are thankful for, but you were thinking too hard about it. And I think it’s back to that perfectionism, what’s big enough to be appreciated as opposed to everything can be appreciated.

[26:00] Ana Lennyr: It’s perfectionism. On the other side, you don’t want to be extremely vulnerable to people that don’t deserve to know your vulnerability because you’re afraid of being hurt. We’ve always been like that. That’s why I love when I teach these kind of things, you know exactly who is hurt from first date. You know exactly why they’re hurt. They’re things you pick up on. What element they are. Okay, they can have this, this, this. You can even ask have you ever been depressed? And I said, yeah, yeah, I’ve been depressed just a couple of years. Oh, what did you do to fix it? Um, well, you see, I just, you know, went into my work and stuff like that. Oh, so you didn’t do any kind of personal development work. You didn’t do any kind of healing work, which means we’re still reminiscence about it. And guess what? You’re going to drag this in the relationship of with me. So if I think I’m going to save you, that’s not going to happen. You have to save yourself.

I have a lot of customers who come to me, like my husband suffers from anxiety and I’m like, okay, send your husband to me. He doesn’t want to come. Well, if he’s not ready to get rid of his anxiety, you cannot get rid of his anxiety for him. Very simple. I understand you’re the wife, but the only thing you can get rid of the anxiety for your child. I’ll show you how, but not for your husband or for your mother, for yourself and for your child up to the age of 25; that’s all I can help you with.

We want as women to give everything, thinking that we are going to receive back, but depends of what element the man is, because each element thinks in a different way, behaves in a different way. We’re going to tell you one thing and mean another. It’s very easy to identify. And once you get entangled in the situation, it is a little bit harder to maneuver. But it’s not impossible because it’s harder to divorce, for example, or to separate. So I tell people all the time, if you think about divorcing or separating, don’t. They’re like, what do you mean?

 If you’re physically abused yeah, go. But if you think you’re mentally or psychological or emotionally abused, don’t. Because you can fix it faster into the relationship instead of separating and then suffer for years. It’s harder to fix when you separate and people don’t understand that; there’s like I’m just going to run away.

You’re running away. You’re running away from your own pain too. You’re still going to have to fix that relationship sooner or later; you cannot step into another one. It might take years. It might take decades if you don’t know what to do. So fix it. Even if you end up separating at the end, doesn’t matter. You separate as best friends, as very good friends. We move in different directions and that’s totally fine. It takes six weeks instead of years and years of suffering after. So there are a lot of misconceptions, a lot of running away from your own pain, a lot of not understanding that you brought pain to a relationship. 

[28:42] Carrying pain with you

[28:42] Ana Lennyr: For example, I brought depression into both of my marriages because my generation was like third generation of people depressed in my family. It’s easy to blame a partner. They said, oh, you did this and that, but I’m responsible; I brought in, I brought in a lot of pain.

So here is how do you take responsibility for yourself instead of just getting more and more hurt or at some point emotionally numb, or at some point like, oh, all men are like this, all women are like that? It’s easy to move all this pain from one relationship to another person to another.

 It depends how do you switch between these four squares energetically and how healed you are?

[29:21] Damianne President: So if you are single, or dating or in a relationship, how do you know that you are ready, and maybe ready is not the right word.

[29:30] Ana Lennyr: The moment when you don’t need somebody, so I’m happy. I am happy. I can be with you, or I cannot be with you. It doesn’t affect my happiness. We can be happy together, or we can be happy separate. That moment, you are not looking for codependent situation. You are not subconsciously looking for love because you don’t have it and because you need it, you need somebody to love you. That moment, everything switches. I love you, but I’m going to be fine without you. Your decision was how you feel. That’s fine.

[30:07] Damianne President: I was listening to a meditation today with Tara Brach and she was talking about this concept of grasping and how we grasp at relationships, things.

[30:18] Ana Lennyr: Specifically for people that are coming from families where somebody was an alcoholic, they’re bound to dependency and co dependency situation. Because all they wanted is for that member of their family to not drink. For example, my mother who an alcoholic. All I wanted was for her not to drink. So for me, her drinking was like I was not good enough. So I was dependent and codependent on that concept that my mom shouldn’t be drinking. My mom is suffering and trying to help her and to save her. So it’s easy to slip later on in dependency and codependency situations in your relationships, once you are out of a family. It is just an effect, a lingering energy. If you love me, you’re going to do this.

If you love me, you’re not going to drink. If you love me, you’re not going to be like. If you love me, you’re going to do this and that and the other, and that doesn’t have to exist. This is a trap. You just love him; you can love each other and be separate. You don’t have to say, if you love me, then, and a lot of times we do this unconsciously.

[31:21] Damianne President: I think a big takeaway for me from this interview, Ana, is about switching energies and how you can stay in authenticity and also show appreciation for people in a lot of different ways so that you can be attractive in the way that you want to be attractive in different environments.

Is there anything else that you want to add to that or anything we haven’t talked about in the interview that you want to make sure listeners hear?

[31:54] Identifying pain and hurt

[31:54] Ana Lennyr: So secrets of love is just one part of it, just to understand it’s very easy to find the hurt people out there. When you are super, super happy, you’re super happy and you don’t meet them. Like I am. I tell everybody I love you. And some people come and say, oh, thank you. Most people never heard it before from a stranger, from somebody that they just meet for a second in a grocery store. They’ve never heard it before. And then you know how hurt they were deep down inside. Or other ones that they know me very well. I have a guy who all the time and it’s like, love you. You love everybody. Another level of hurt and pain.

[32:32] Damianne President: So there’s that resistance.

[32:34] Ana Lennyr: Exactly.

[32:34] Ana Lennyr: I said I love you and somebody that’s happy, said, I love you too. I just discovered I love you too and I don’t even know you. I’m totally fine. So that person is not going to put boundaries. It’s not going to be closed in, afraid of a word. Maybe you didn’t even hug them. Maybe you just met them for a second. They’re not closed in. So just think about it. You know, somebody tells you, I love you. Or you said to somebody else, I love you. Test this theory. Just test it and see who is hurt and who isn’t. It’s very, very simple to identify.

And another way to identify people who are not hurt is they will always smile. They have big eyes like wonderous eyes and open mouth, open mouth. Another thing you have to watch specifically on a daily scene is how that person treats other people around, not how they treat you. Because they are going to treat you the same way sooner or later.

So there is a lot of little tricks on these true secrets of life and true love secrets. There is a lot of little tricks that can make your life better because the truth is that a life without love is a sad life. And you don’t want any kind of love and pain involved in this. You want true love in your life. 

[33:50] Tips for a first date

[33:50] Damianne President: You’ve given us some suggestions and some tests to do. What about if you’re on a first date. What’s a good test for a first date. You shouldn’t say, I love you and see what happens?

[34:02] Ana Lennyr: Oh, I love everybody, even on the phone. I don’t even see them. I tell everybody, I love you. Yeah see how they react, how they take that? How do they answer? It’s clearly an I love you casual. So do they answer the same? How do they answer to all this? It’ll show you the level of pain, the level of never being loved and not knowing how it is.

 It’ll show you a lot from just little things or how they smile, how they smile. They’re always smiling; that tells that they’re relaxed and they don’t have to work on fooling you at the first date, but you need to know who they are.

And if you don’t know who they are, even after we discussed or after you learn about the four men and women, architects, you going to notice that maybe they’re balanced, maybe you are balanced, and this is the person you need to look for, somebody balanced that knows how to joke, knows how to play, knows how to be serious, knows how to make a plan, has a vision, has a place for you in their life. Because an air man will tell you that he has a place for you in life, but he doesn’t. Freedom is number one. Then it’s business and money. Then it’s friends, then it’s his mother, then it’s his ex-wife, then it’s his kids. You are like number seven.

[35:22] Damianne President: Oh, my goodness. That resonates.

[35:24] Ana Lennyr: Exactly. And look like you’re not number seven. You should have known before you get married and $40,000 on your wedding.

[35:33] Damianne President: This is why I don’t date any guys who play the guitar anymore.

[35:37] Ana Lennyr: Oh, that’s the water element. That’s the ones that they know how to play with guitar; they don’t know how to open a business. And they expect the woman to sell their music or something or YouTube or whatever. That’s water element. So here you need to know who do you want in your life. Who you are, and who do you want? Otherwise you’re just going to fail into traps and be more and more and more hurt, heartbroken until at some point you’re not going to even look for a partner.

[36:03] Damianne President: Anna, this has been very helpful. Thank you very much for joining me today.

[36:08] Ana Lennyr: I broke some belief systems today and I got a couple of your people angry, but it’s okay.

[36:14] Damianne President: Yes, we want to challenge people. We want them to think outside of what they’re used to.

[36:19] Ana Lennyr: Yes, yes. That’s exactly why you have this podcast. And that’s wonderful.

This is the person you need to look for, somebody balanced that knows how to joke, knows how to play, knows how to be serious, knows how to make a plan, has a vision, has a place for you in their life.


There are a lot of misconceptions, a lot of running away from your own pain, a lot of not understanding that you brought pain to a relationship.

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