In the last episode, we started exploring the topic of joy. I shared with you the perspectives of several women and set the stage for the journey we’ll go on this season. In this episode, we will explore the situations that lead to personal reinvention in midlife, and how the process can lead you to reclaim joy in your life. You’ll see how embracing change can open new opportunities for you to experience joy in you life.
Midlife is naturally a time of change for women. We’re experiencing changes in our body, in our families, in our environment. This could be going through perimenopause or menopause, caring for adult parents or grandchildren, becoming empty-nesters. The period of midlife starts at different ages and looks different for each person but all of us experience some sort of transition or change during that time frame. And the nature of these changes often require us to take a look at ourselves and decide on what we want going forward. Brene Brown calls it an unravelling and she talks about how our old coping strategies, the ones that work earlier in our lives, no longer work.
Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.
You could succumb to loneliness, pain, discomfort, that sense of not quite fitting into your life, your body or the world as you’ve done before. Or you can take the opportunity to redefine yourself in a way that ignites your sense of adventure, fun and personal fulfillment.
Why Midlife is Prime for Reinvention
When we talk about midlife, that can mean different things to different people. When I talk about midlife, I’m thinking about the age range of 45-65. However, if you’re not in that age range but consider yourself in midlife, welcome. I don’t feel the need to tell anyone whether they are in midlife or not.
It’s kind of funny that now that I’m well in my 40s and can see 50 heading my way, I realize that my childish ideas of “middle age” are nothing like the reality. I thought 50 was midlife, the top of the hill. I imagined it would be all downhill from here. Now, I think about all the years I have ahead of me. So when I think of all the years I have left in my life, it seems obvious to me that I want to examine my life and make sure that I reclaim joy, in both the old ways that still work for me, and in new ways that may not even be in my awareness yet.
Carl Jung said:
We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie. – The Stages of Life in Modern Man in Search of a Soul
I think he’s missing the idea that some of the things that were little in the morning could be great in the afternoon. For example, midlife might be a time when you have more time for yourself because you don’t have young children that need a lot of caregiving from you, or because you’re more settled in your career. This could be time to experience joy through a new hobby, spending time with friends or family members, or even going back to school (the joy of learning).
Can you think of anyone in your life who reinvented themselves in midlife and seem happier for it? I can think of so many examples: friends who got married or divorced, changed jobs or countries, took up new hobbies (such as pickleball), etc. What’s your vision of midlife for yourself?
You don’t have to redefine yourself in midlife but I think that’s a missed opportunity. For example, a 2024 study from the Frontiers in Public Health highlights that adults who actively engaged in leisure activities in midlife — whether physical or social — were more likely to report higher levels of subjective well-being. These individuals were more likely to experience joy if they participated in leisure activities.
A key element of reinvention in psychological is the concept of “self-authorship”. Many people, in midlife, begin to reject external expectations and societal pressures, focusing instead on building a life that aligns with their authentic selves. Research has shown that people who adopt a growth mindset during this period, actively seeking out new experiences and challenges, report greater happiness and lower stress levels. They’re more likely to see midlife as an opportunity for renewal rather than a time of stagnation.
This ties into what psychologists refer to as “neuroplasticity,” or the brain’s ability to continue evolving and adapting, even in later life stages. Engaging in new learning, taking risks, and cultivating novel experiences stimulates the brain, fostering not only emotional resilience but also joy. The idea that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is simply a myth. Our brains are wired to grow, and midlife reinvention taps into that natural ability. Furthermore, research has shown some advantages of our brains in midlife, such as more calm and greater adaptability in social situations.
In contrast, people who remain stuck in old patterns during midlife often report feeling stagnant or dissatisfied. Resisting change or holding onto outdated routines in midlife may make you more prone to depression and loneliness later in life. Without active engagement in redefining your purpose or exploring new avenues for fulfillment, you may find yourself less joyful, feeling a sense of purposelessness.
These examples show how embracing reinvention at midlife helps you reconnect with what truly matters to you, giving you the chance to bring more joy into your everyday life. This means that midlife can become a chapter of renewal, adventure, and profound satisfaction.
Challenges to Reinvention
I expect that for most of you, as you started to create your vision of midlife, you started experiencing doubt and fear. That’s completely normal.
One of my mentors, Brook Castillo, talks about why transitional change is so important. She uses the analogy of balance beams. Imagine letting go of one set of beams to reach for another. You don’t know if you’re going to make it. This is what transitions at midlife can feel like. You’re giving up something familiar for something new and that can bring up any number of emotions: fear, excitement, exhilaration, curiosity, etc. These emotions aren’t good or bad but some of them are more helpful than others.
How you experience your transitions in midlife depends on how you think about them. If you think you’re too old to try something new, you’re going to behave very differently than if you think that you may discover something that you can enjoy for many years. Many of us also have to manage family or societal expectations. And you may be afraid of having people judge you, especially if you have people pleasing tendencies. But if now is not the time to rediscover yourself and reclaim joy, when will that time be?
Steps to Reinvent Yourself
If you’re at all curious or open to the idea of joy in midlife, you can get my free guide 5 Secrets to Rediscover Joy and Passion in Midlife.
You can definitely navigate your transitions with more ease. And here are 5 steps to help you. I suggest journalling your responses.
- Reflect on this period of your life and how it’s different. What has changed with your finances, health, career, relationships? Consider all of the parts of life that are important to you.
- Next, think of the things in your life now that bring you joy and those that do the opposite. The goal here is to figure out what you want more of in your life and what you want less of from your current experience.
- Third, we’re going to do some time traveling. Think back to the previous stages of your life. What are the things from these stages that are missing now, and which of them would you like to reintroduce into your life at this stage?
- The next step is for you to make two lists: things I want more of in my life because they bring me joy and things I want less of in my life because they steal your joy. I want to stop here and point out that hard things, challenging things can still contribute to joy. Remember that one of the definitions of joy is “a source or cause of delight”. This means that you can experience joy even while caring for a sick family member, for example.
- The final step is for you to look at your list and decide how you will create the conditions for joy, as discussed from Valerie Kaur’s quote. How do your friends, family and members of your community factor in? I believe that a supportive community, or even one person, can be a mirror that helps you understand who you truly are and what you really want. Think of the spaces and places where you (will) spend your time. Notice what you already have and what you want to add or subtract with each question.
I was waiting at the tram stop the other day and there was a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old with her parents. She was laughing and dancing all by herself. I have no idea what prompted this but it caught my eye because of the joyful moment. What this brought up for me was joy by association, how watching joy can also be an uplifting moment. Such small actions, intentional ways of looking at the world can lead to a deeper sense of joy. You can start by trying something new, focusing on self-care, or adjusting your mindset; these small actions create the conditions for joy to flourish
To help you with those 5 steps, make a copy of this free Google Docs file or download a PDF.
Real-Life Examples of Midlife Reinvention
It can be helpful to think of examples that can inspire us. There are many well-known individuals who have reinvented themselves later in life, that can motivate or encourage you. Let’s see how many of this you recognize:
- This woman published her first cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, at age 49. She then became a television personality, inspiring countless individuals to explore the joys of cooking. Her name is Julia Child.
- She was 40 when this renowned fashion designer began a fashion business after working as an editor and on accessory designer. She opened her first bridal boutique, which quickly gained popularity, making her one of the most famous bridal designers today. Her name is Vera Wang.
- This author began writing in her 40s but didn’t achieve fame until she published her first Little House book at age 65. Her beloved series about her childhood on the American frontier has inspired countless readers. She is Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Reinvention as a Pathway to Joy
Think of those examples I shared of women in midlife or women that personally know who inspire you. What can you learn about their reinvention journey to excite you about your own transition?
When you’re intentional about your midlife transition, you can redefine yourself to be able to live the life that you want. As you align with your values and desires, you create space for new joys to enter your life. Reinvention is about creating the conditions for joy.
Your Invitation to Reinvent Yourself
Your invitation this week is to engage with the five steps for reinvention. I have a worksheet with more details and prompts that you can download here. It’s your “one wild and precious life“, your unique journey. So you get to decide how much of this work you want to do and at what pace. Download the worksheet, get started and decide whether you’ll fill it all in today or over some days or weeks. But if even that is too much for you right now, follow your curiosity.
I’d love to hear your feedback on the episode or guide, and let me know about your reinvention journey. Do you have a story of reinvention or any challenges they’ve encountered in your midlife journey. Message me at contact@changesbigandsmall.com.
Conclusion
Next week, we’ll explore the concept of purpose and how that relates to joy. Join us then.
You can connect with Damianne on the Changes BIG and small website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. You’re also invited to join the Changes BIG and small Facebook community.
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Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
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