Imagine waking up one day and realizing you’ve spent years believing you’re “too old” to pursue your dreams. That’s exactly what happened to Sarah, one of our listeners. Today, we’re going to explore how she, and you, can break free from these limiting beliefs.
Let’s talk about something many of us face in midlife – limiting beliefs. These are the stories we tell ourselves, often unconsciously, that hold us back from creating (even imagining) the life that we want. Whether it’s the belief that we’re “too old,” that physical pain or health issues will stop us, or that it’s “too late” to find joy in a new career or make money doing what we love, these beliefs can weigh us down and prevent us from discovering what’s possible in midlife.
But here’s the thing: these beliefs aren’t facts. They’re just thoughts. And you can change your thoughts. In this episode, we’re going to explore how to shift your beliefs and how to use the power of a personal mission statement to reclaim your joy and purpose.
We’ll also talk about something called the Upper Limit Problem, a concept from Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap. It’s the idea that we all have an internal limit on how much success, love, and happiness we believe we deserve. We’ll explore how that can sneak up on us in midlife, stopping us from living with true joy and fulfillment.
Before we dive in, I want you to take a moment right now to pause this episode and write down one limiting belief you’ve been holding onto. We’ll come back to this later.
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Let’s start by defining what we mean by “limiting beliefs.” A limiting belief is any thought or story we tell ourselves that restricts what we think is possible. These beliefs often come from past experiences, our upbringing, or society’s expectations. They get reinforced over time, shaping how we see ourselves and the world.
For women in midlife, these beliefs can show up in many forms, especially when it comes to health or career. Some of the most common ones I hear from listeners are:
- “I’m too old to change careers.”
- “Pain is inevitable as I age, and it stops me from being able to enjoy life.”
- “It’s impossible to make money doing what I love.”
Do any of those sound familiar to you? Or maybe you have a slightly different version of these beliefs? All of these are thoughts, opinions not facts. For example, there are people at every age who change careers. When we believe these stories, they restrict our dreams, shape our choices, and limit our actions. We don’t apply for the job we want. We don’t take care of our health or start the passion project we’ve always dreamed of. But these beliefs are not truths; they are opinions or conclusions we’ve drawn from our experiences. Once you realize they’re not facts, it becomes easier to interrogate and change them.
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
Let’s explore how we can start overcoming these limiting beliefs.
One of the most important things to remember is that your beliefs are just thoughts, and thoughts can be questioned. You can even create deliberate, new thoughts. It starts with awareness.
- So first, write out a thought download, where you identify a scenario tied to your limiting belief and write down the scenario and all the details around it as if you’re telling a complete story or situation to someone.
- Next, divide everything in the story as opinion or fact. This gets tricky because we think of many of our opinions as fact. A fact is something that can stand up as evidence in a court, i.e. it can actually be recorded.
- Identify the thoughts that are holding you back. List them by strength. Notice
- What is the belief that’s holding me back?
- Where did it come from?
- How is this belief serving me?
- What evidence do I have that this belief is true?
- What evidence do I have that this belief may not be true?
For example, I had a client who believed that her chronic pain meant she couldn’t exercise anymore or live an active life. She told herself, “I’m too old, and my body won’t let me do the things I love.” But when we dug deeper, she realized that this belief wasn’t even true, but it led to many missed opportunities. We worked on adding a new belief: “I can still find joyful movement that works for my body.” For example, she could still work in her garden but it looked different than before, e.g. shorter durations, more breaks. She was able to walk and do gentle yoga. While it’s true that she couldn’t do all the things that she did before, there were many opportunities for activity that she was missing because of her limiting beliefs. She kept practicing the new thought and noticed how it was much more motivating and inspiring for the life that she really wanted.
Limiting beliefs aren’t bad thoughts; I don’t like to assign morality to thoughts. However, they don’t serve us. For each of the beliefs you identified, is there another belief that does serve you? The goal is to come up with something that you really believe. It doesn’t have to be utopian but rather something that supports you in building the life you want. For example, it could be “My body is changing as I get older”. This thought isn’t so radical but it may be an improvement over “I’m too old, and my body is breaking down.”. For example, it might make you curious about what your changed body is capable of rather than focusing on all the ways it’s worse than before.
Another listener shared the belief that she couldn’t make money doing what she loved, something I hear very often. Society has conditioned us to believe that work and joy can’t coexist. But the truth is, many people have built fulfilling, financially sustainable lives around their passions. It’s not true of all of us, but the point is that it’s not impossible. And we too often tell ourselves that something is impossible, shutting down the conversation before any engagement with it. The key is to recognize that your beliefs shape your reality. If you believe it’s not possible, you won’t take the steps necessary to make it happen. But if you challenge that belief, you open yourself to new possibilities.
Does this make sense to you, about exploring new beliefs? This is a key part of my coaching methodology. If you’re interested in working with me on it, go to changesbigandsmall.com/coaching.
Introducing the Upper Limit Problem
Now, I want to introduce you to a concept called the Upper Limit Problem, from Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap.
The Upper Limit Problem refers to the self-imposed ceiling we create when it comes to how much success, happiness, and love we believe we deserve. When we hit this “upper limit,” we often sabotage ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it.
For example, you might be working toward a big goal, maybe launching a new business or making a major life change, but as soon as you start gaining momentum, you suddenly feel stuck or start doubting yourself. You might even find yourself distracted by little problems, or worse, creating new obstacles. This is very, very familiar to me as I’ve been working on building a coaching business. I also think of it as being the resistance, which Steven Pressfield talks about in The War of Art.
This upper limit problem happens because we all have an internal thermostat set to how much happiness or success we think we’re worthy of. When we exceed that limit, our subconscious mind kicks in to bring us back to a more “comfortable” level of success. This works really well with the balance beams analogy I introduced in the last episode. We don’t think we can reach that next, higher beam, and we won’t even try.
The good news is that once you recognize this pattern, you can start to push beyond it. So as you work on your limiting beliefs, keep this Upper Limit Problem in mind. Ask yourself: “Is there a part of me that’s afraid of success, afraid of more joy?” This fear can often mask itself as a limiting belief, like “I can’t make money doing what I love,” when in fact it’s just your upper limit kicking in, trying to keep you safe but small.
Let’s take a moment for a brief visualization exercise. Close your eyes if you’re in a safe place to do so. Imagine yourself living without the limiting belief you wrote down earlier. What does your life look like? How do you feel? What are you doing differently? Hold onto this image and the feelings it evokes. This is the life that’s possible when you break free from your limiting beliefs.
Listener Question:
Now, let’s turn our attention to a listener question.
“Damianne, I’ve always wanted to turn my hobby of photography into a business, but I keep hearing this voice in my head saying, ‘You can’t make a living from something like that.’ How do I get past this feeling?”
Answer: When was the last time that you had this belief, and how did you feel once you noticed this thought? What did you do then? How did you develop this belief? Did someone tell you this, or is it based on past failures? Look for counterexamples. There are thousands of people making a living as photographers. What is the difference between you and them? In what ways are you similar? What if you believed that you could make money through your photography? What would you do differently than what you’re doing now? Try on the belief “I can learn to make a living through my photography, just like many others have.” If that belief doesn’t work for you, try on a different one. This simple shift can open up new possibilities and motivate you to take steps toward your goal.
The thing that I want you to remember is that in every circumstance, we have thoughts. These thoughts shape our feelings, which shape our actions and create our results. And there are thoughts that serve us and thoughts that don’t. We can incorporate more thoughts that serve us in our daily activities. However, changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time and consistent effort.
Crafting Your Personal Mission Statement
Now that we’ve explored limiting beliefs, I want to introduce a powerful tool to help guide your next steps: a personal mission statement.
A personal mission statement is a clear and concise expression of what matters most to you. It serves as your compass, helping you make decisions and take actions that align with your values and passions.
Creating a mission statement can be empowering because it shifts your focus from what’s holding you back to what’s possible.
Here’s a simple framework to help you get started:
- Reflect on your values: What truly matters to you? Is it creativity, connection, growth, or contribution?
- Think about your strengths and passions: What do you love doing, and what are you naturally good at?
- Consider the impact you want to make: Who do you want to help, and how do you want to show up in the world?
Example mission statement: “I am committed to living a joyful life by helping women in midlife rediscover their passions and cultivate self-compassion, resilience, and community.”
One version of mine is: “I am committed to living in a way that is intentional and deliberative so that I do work that fulfills me and has a positive impact on the world.”
It may seem overwhelming to create a personal mission statement. Start small! Begin by listing your core values and what brings you joy. You can go back and listen to episode 142 on values. Then, look for patterns and connect them. Your mission statement doesn’t have to be perfect right away. Create version one and evolve it over time as you try things out and gain clarity.
Recommended Books
If you’re curious about diving deeper into overcoming limiting beliefs and creating a personal mission, here are a few books I highly recommend:
- The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks: This book is all about overcoming your internal barriers to success and living in your “Zone of Genius.”
- Mindset by Carol Dweck: A foundational book on the power of adopting a growth mindset to overcome limitations and embrace new challenges.
- You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero: A fun, motivational guide to breaking through self-doubt and living boldly.
- Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life by Jamie Kern Lima: An inspiring book that delves into self-worth, guiding you to believe that you are enough, regardless of what you’ve been through, and to embrace your full potential.
Invitation
My invitation to you this week is to sit down and journal about your top three limiting beliefs. For each belief, find a piece of evidence that contradicts it. Then create a new belief that counters the limiting belief. How many times a day can you remind yourself of these new beliefs? Find ways to remind yourself of these new beliefs multiple times a day, with notes at home and at work, or using a habits app. The old belief will still arise. The goal isn’t to fight with it or pretend it no longer exists. Rather, each time the old belief arises, remind yourself of the new belief.
Additionally, start drafting your personal mission statement. Remember, this is a living document; it can change and grow with you over time.
I’d love to hear about your journey. What limiting beliefs have you identified, and how are you shifting them? Reach out to me at contact@changesbigandsmall.com or share in our Facebook group.
Conclusion
Thank you for joining me today on Changes Big and Small. Next week, we’ll be talking about the power of gratitude and positive self-talk and how these simple practices can transform your inner dialogue and bring more joy into your life.
Until then, keep believing in yourself, and remember change begins with one small step. Have a great week.
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Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
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