This episode kicks off a series dedicated to discovering the art of being your own best friend. In the coming weeks, we’ll travel on a journey to uncover what it means to be your own best friend, why it matters, and how you can cultivate more of it in your own life.
Personal Anecdote
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot. I was coaching some clients and a question that they kept asking was why they weren’t keeping their word to themselves. For example, why is it so easy to hit snooze even though you planned to wake up to work out, or to fill your calendar with tasks for everyone else until you’re completely run down?
I’ve been examining how this shows up in my own life. Why is it that I’m loyal to others, keep my word to them, am kind and loving towards them, and struggle to do that for myself? Why do I sometimes seem to put the needs of everyone else above myself, even when they don’t ask me for anything, even when I may not want to?
As I’ve reflected, I realized that I can choose something different. I started honoring my past self and treating myself with kindness. I’m getting better at this. And I’ve noticed that my inner critic, that relentless voice in the head, is much softer. Sometimes, she’s downright complimentary, she tells me how well I’m doing something. It’s funny that sometimes when that happens, I chastise her for being a bit too self-aggrandizing. But when she was being mean, I’d just believe her.
This is how I came up with the idea of being a best friend to myself. My best friend is kind. She challenges me sometimes but also supports me and builds me up. This is something that I want to do for myself. Consciously and with the help of my inner voice.
What does it mean to be a best friend?
So what does it really mean to be your own best friend? Let’s take a step back and think about the attributes of a best friend.
A best friend is someone who’s there for you, who listens without judgment, celebrates your successes, and supports you through failures. How much of that do you do for yourself? I mean, really, think about it for a moment. Feel free to pause this podcast, I’ll wait.
Being your own best friend is the essence of self-compassion. It’s about giving yourself permission to prioritize your wants and needs, to recognize that your humanity makes you a person of worth, and to accept yourself unconditionally. It’s not about ego or self-absorption; it’s about acknowledging that your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
Imagine for a moment, the gentle voice of a friend who says, ‘It’s okay, sweetheart’ when you are overwhelmed with feeling. That voice of understanding and acceptance is something we all crave, but how often do we extend it to ourselves? Since I started listening to talks by Tara Brach where she talks about RAIN meditation, this became my favorite phrase with which to nurture myself when I’m experiencing intense emotions. I love that phrase even if it’s not one that shows up with my friends. This is a way that I can show up for myself that’s actually unique compared to what I have with anyone else. And I find it so valuable.
We tend to be our own harshest critics, but the journey to being your own best friend begins with small shifts to that. The dialogue we have with ourselves is powerful. It affects how we feel and how we act. When you become your own best friend, you start to learn to experience all your feelings. You learn how to both cheer for yourself and nurture yourself.
This transformation doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not a linear journey. Believe me, I experience this. Just as friendships with others require consistency, so it is with self-friendship. You practice and patience. The practice is in making small but meaningful shifts in how you treat yourself every day.
How do you treat yourself when you make a mistake? How could you be 1% kinder? What do you do when you miss meeting a goal? How could you offer encouragement to yourself? This starts with self-talk but goes beyond that too.
Being your own best friend means setting boundaries that honor your well-being, saying no when something doesn’t serve you, and saying yes to what brings you joy. It’s about taking time to understand your own needs and desires, to tease them apart from any obligations that you may feel, and to explore what makes you feel alive and fulfilled.
So, why is this self-friendship so important? It’s the best way to learn about your needs and wants and meet them with understanding and love. But on top of that, it’s the cornerstone of resilience. Life will inevitably throw challenges our way, and the strength of the relationship we have with ourselves will determine how we navigate them. When you’re your own best friend, you create an inner sanctuary of peace, confidence, and support that you can always turn to. This will allow you to celebrate your victories and have grace for your setbacks.
Throughout this season, we’ll explore this art of self-friendship. We’ll delve into the habits and practices that strengthen this bond. If you’ve cultivated this habit of self-friendship, I’d love to interview you on the podcast. Reach out to me at contact@changesbigandsmall.com. My hope for you, yes, you who’s listening, as we go on this journey together, is that you’ll discover the joy and peace that comes from being the best friend you’ve always had within you.
How to be your own best friend
Let’s talk about how we can cultivate this relationship with ourselves. It starts with small steps. Here are 5 actions that you can take:
- Celebrate the last time that you did something that you were proud of. Maybe it was hard for you, or you didn’t want to but honored a commitment to yourself.
- Do one thing this week that makes you feel rejuvenated. For me, going for a walk by myself or reading a book does that.
- Spend some quiet time with yourself. Maybe you want to just notice what’s going through your mind or write down your thoughts. You could even do a brain dump of everything in your mind. A next level task is to notice which are facts (everyone in the world would agree on them) and which are thoughts (stories you make out of the facts).
- Say no once this week. When you get an invitation or request, really think about whether you want to do it and why. If the reasons are not satisfactory to yourself, say no. This is a hard one because you might think that everything deserves a yes. So you need to practice discernment.
- Say yes once this week to something that you’re afraid of but really want.
The goal here is to learn that affirming your worth, setting aside time for self-care, and engaging in activities that bring you joy are all valuable and important. It’s not selfish to be your own best friend; that’s just what people say when you don’t want to do what they want you to do. There’s nothing to be guilty about; it’s the way that you put your own oxygen mask on first.
Conclusion
Many of the ideas in this episode may be new to you. Or maybe you’ve just never thought about them in this way. I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the episode. What are your takeaways? I’d love to hear from you on Instagram or at changesbigandsmall.com.
Embracing the art of being your own best friend is a daily practice, a commitment to yourself. Remember, small actions taken consistently create profound changes over time.
So, celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Take that rejuvenating walk, spend that quiet time with yourself, say no to overcommitment, and yes to your hidden desires. This week, let’s start by setting an intention to treat ourselves with the same kindness and respect we’d give to a dear friend.
Next week, we’ll dive deeper into practical strategies for building and maintaining this self-friendship. Take care, stay kind to yourself, and I’ll speak to you all in the next episode.
Listen now
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Other Episodes in the Series
Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
- Cover art background Photo by Hala Al-Asadi on Unsplash
- Script edited by ChatGPT
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