In this episode, we’re talking about something that touches every part of our lives: the importance of relationships, family, friendships, and building intentional community for a joyful life. If you’ve ever felt like you want more connection, more laughter, or simply more people who get you, this episode is for you. We’re exploring how to build community and make friends in midlife.
This podcast is sponsored by Damianne Coaching. Learn more by going to damiannecoaching.com.
Something as simple as a text, a smile, a compliment, a friendly comment can open the door to new possibilities.
Damianne President
Reconnecting with What You Want
Let’s talk about desire. For many of us, desire can feel like a luxury, or even a mystery. We’re so used to focusing on what everyone else needs that we rarely pause to ask ourselves, “What do I truly want?” This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and community.
One woman I spoke with during my research shared, “I just don’t know how to make space for that.” Another said, “I’ve let family and work consume everything, and I want to get back to what lights me up”1. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Wanting more joy, more connection, more fulfillment isn’t selfish-it’s a sign that you’re ready to live more fully and authentically. So, I invite you right now to give yourself permission to want more. Maybe you want more deep conversations, more laughter, more spaces where you feel seen and valued. You don’t have to settle for “just getting by.” You are allowed to want more, and you’re allowed to pursue it.
Here’s a process that you can follow:
- Set aside five minutes today.
- Grab your journal or open your voice notes app.
- Ask yourself: “What kinds of connections or community would light me up?”
- Let your mind wander-don’t judge or limit your answers.
- Write or speak freely, even if your desires feel big or out of reach.
Defining a Vibrant, Connected Life
Let’s talk about fulfillment. We’re often taught to measure our lives by milestones such as graduations, career achievements, family roles, or ticking off boxes on someone else’s list. But true fulfillment is so much deeper. It’s about feeling seen, valued, and truly connected.
Imagine waking up excited for the day ahead, not because of a packed schedule, but because you know you’ll connect with people who get you, friends who lift you up. Maybe it’s a heartfelt conversation over coffee, a walk with a friend who you can be fully yourself with, or a text exchange that makes you smile. That’s what fulfillment looks like: small, meaningful moments of connection.
One listener told me, “I want to have a few close friends in my city.” Another said, “I want to feel like I have a full life”. Do any of those statements resonate with you? You can absolutely have the life you want.
Take a quiet moment to visualize your ideal day or week:
- Close your eyes and picture your most fulfilling day.
- Who are you spending time with?
- What activities or conversations light you up?
- How do you feel in their presence?
- If you feel inspired, jot down your vision or sketch it out.
Note who shows up. This may well be a signal of what you want more of in your life. Tune in.
I feel a lot of gratitude that I have friends all over the world. I did this activity a few months ago, and because this was my ideal day and I could do whatever I wanted, I visited friends in many different countries. Still, there is room in my life for more friends, people who are local that I can spend time with without flying hundreds of miles, people I want to visit me when I’m sick and who are happy to have me reach out.
Maintaining and Making Friends in Midlife
Building new connections or deepening existing ones can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re out of practice or unsure where to start. I’m very aware that it means putting yourself out there, opening up yourself to rejection or possibly even embarrassment. But you know what, we’re all figuring it out. You’re not the only one who wants more connection and you have to be looking actively in other to identify a good match, or to reignite an old friendship.
Maybe it feels good to start by reaching out to an old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, joining a local group that sparks your interest, or starting a conversation with a neighbor. Even the smallest actions, something as simple as a text, a smile, a compliment, a friendly comment, can open the door to new possibilities. One listener shared, “I started going to community events, even when it felt awkward. It’s those small steps that helped me build new friendships”. For myself, when I moved to Prague, I started going to Internations events. It’s group that appeals to both expats and locals in Prague and I have some friends that I’ve made through that group. Now, I started going to WeWork to work more often, and I’ve been thinking about how to create connections there. I have made 1 so far but he doesn’t live in Prague. I need to show up brave, in the same way that I’m inviting you. Here’s a process you can follow:
- Think of one person you’d like to reconnect with or get to know better.
- Decide on a simple action-send a text, ask to meet for coffee, or just say hello.
- If joining a group feels more comfortable, look up a local event or online gathering and sign up.
- Celebrate yourself for taking action, no matter how small.
If you want more inspiration, check out my conversation with Kat Vellos on building meaningful friendships and community (link in the show notes??).
Building Intentional Community
Think of your community as a beautiful, living garden. Just like a garden, your relationships need care, attention, and a bit of patience to truly flourish. You wouldn’t expect flowers to bloom overnight, and the same is true for meaningful connections.
A thriving community isn’t about having dozens of acquaintances or being busy every night of the week. It’s about cultivating a circle of people who see you, value you, and support you through your experience of life. Some relationships may be vibrant and blooming, while others might need a little more sunlight and nurturing to grow.
Action steps (inspired by Kat Vellos):
- Make a list of the people who make you feel seen and heard.
- Reflect: Who brings you joy? Who supports your growth?
- Choose one relationship to nurture this week. You can send a message, schedule a chat, or share something meaningful.
In my episode with Kat Vellos, we dive deep into the “friendship garden” metaphor and practical ways to cultivate connection that you may find interesting (link in show notes).
Nurturing and Rebalancing Friendships
Just like a garden, friendship requires nuturing. But what if there are some friendships that are too far gone, or that are harmful rather than helpful? As important as it is to cultivate community, it is also important to recognize when a relationship needs to shift. Just like in a garden, sometimes you need to rebalance, giving more attention to what’s thriving and gently stepping back from what’s no longer serving you.
Relationships can change as we grow. You may notice that some connections leave you feeling drained or unseen, while others uplift and energize you. It’s okay to invest less energy in relationships that don’t support your joy or fulfillment. This isn’t about blame or guilt. You can still love the person while creating more distance. It’s about honoring your needs and making space for connections that truly matter, ones that help you feel fulfilled.
One listener shared that as she focused on building a more joyful, intentional life, she realized she needed to set boundaries with a friend who always left her feeling depleted. She described how, by spending less time with that friend, she was able to invest more in relationships that made her feel valued and supported. That’s really the outcome that we’re going for, and you can follow this 3-step process:
- Take inventory: Are there relationships in your life that feel more draining than nourishing?
- Where might you need to lovingly step back, so you can give more energy to the people and communities that lift you up?
- Set a simple boundary this week. Say no to one invitation that doesn’t serve you, or limit time with someone who leaves you feeling depleted.
Remember, you deserve to be surrounded by those who celebrate and support your growth and have the opportunity to do that for other people too.
Your Practice Invitation
Reach out to someone who brings you joy, or who you’d like to know better. Send a text, schedule a coffee, or simply let them know you’re thinking of them. Notice how even a small gesture can spark connection and bring a sense of fulfillment.
Get in Touch
You can connect with Damianne on the Changes BIG and small website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. You’re also invited to join the Changes BIG and small Facebook community.
Similar Episodes
Timeline of the Chat
[00:43] Reconnecting with What You Want
[02:10] Defining a Vibrant, Connected Life
[04:25] Making Connection Accessible
[07:20] Intentional Community
[08:46] Nurturing and Rebalancing Relationships
[11:25] Invitation/Challenge
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Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
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