Life is full of challenges, isn’t it? Some big, some small, but all of them have the power to shape us. In our last episode, we heard from Cathy Mott about her journey through depression and self-care strategies. Today, we’re building on that conversation by exploring resilience from a new perspective.
We’ll start by defining resilience before diving into why it matters, how forgiveness helps lighten emotional burdens, and why self-compassion is the secret ingredient to thriving, even when life feels overwhelming. I’ll share practical tips that you can start using today to build your resilience muscle. So, are you ready to learn how to bounce back stronger? Let’s dive in!
Forgiveness is really a form of grace. It’s a recognition that none of us is perfect.
Damianne President
What is Resilience and Why Does it Matter?
Resilience is one of those buzzwords we hear a lot, and it’s something we’ve previously explored on the podcast. But what is resilience, exactly? At its core, resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It’s not about being tough or pretending things don’t affect you—it’s about flexibility and adaptability in the face of challenges.
Picture a tree in a storm. The branches may bend and sway, but the tree doesn’t break. That’s resilience in action. It allows you to weather life’s storms without losing your sense of self. And here’s the best part: resilience isn’t something you’re simply born with — it’s a skill you can cultivate, no matter where you are in life.
Now, I want you to do something to make sure you get the maximum benefit from this episode. I invite you to take a moment to reflect. Think about a time when you faced a challenge and came through it successfully. What helped you bounce back? What lessons did you learn that continue to serve you? Hold onto that feeling—we’ll come back to it later.
For many of us, midlife brings unique challenges — career changes, aging parents, empty nests, and health changes like brain fog and menopause. These transitions test our resilience, but they also offer incredible opportunities for growth.
So, how do you start building resilience? It begins with letting go of what you can’t control and focusing instead on how you respond. This requires forgiveness and self-compassion. Let’s start by exploring forgiveness — the key to lightening your emotional load and building a stronger foundation for resilience.
The Role of Forgiveness in Building Resilience
Forgiveness is a powerful concept, yet often misunderstood. Many people think forgiving someone means excusing their behavior or pretending the hurt never happened. I know this misconception held me back for a long time. But forgiveness isn’t about the other person — it’s about your own freedom.
Maybe this metaphor of a backpack will help. Holding onto anger, resentment, or blame is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. Over time, that weight drains your energy and joy. Forgiveness is the act of taking off that backpack and choosing freedom.
I’ve experienced this personally. For years, I wrestled with forgiveness—what it means and how to actually practice it. I’ve had conversations about it with friends and even with colleagues. For a long time, I couldn’t access forgiveness for the wrongs I felt deeply. I was hurt and couldn’t see how to move forward or stop feeling like a hurt child.
Then a few years ago, I took a course and learned about the concept of sonder, coined by John Koenig. Sonder is the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing by, has a life as vivid and complex as your own, with their own ambitions, routines, relationships, and struggles that you may never fully know.
This concept was a game-changer for me. It helped me realize I had been expecting perfection in relationships and that I expected adults to know better and act better. But many adults are emotionally children dealing with their own baggage. I’ve made mistakes as an adult too—done things I regret. I’ve missed chances to apologize, misunderstood others, been misunderstood myself. I realized how universal this is, and the way we can help each other is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a form of grace — a recognition that none of us are perfect. Through this lens, I began to acknowledge my own hurt while holding empathy for others. And I’ve taken the opportunity to strengthen and enforce my boundaries. So while I understand that everyone struggles, this doesn’t make everything okay. Forgiveness doesn’t mean anything goes—it means setting boundaries to care for myself and others.
Now, I want to be clear that forgiveness is deeply personal, and your journey may look different from mine. The best way to truly understand it is to explore it for yourself — try it out, reflect, and see how it feels.
Here are 3 practical exercises you can try:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by naming what you’re feeling, e.g. hurt, anger, disappointment. Giving your emotions a name helps you validate them, which is an essential first step toward release.
- Write a Forgiveness Letter: Write a letter to the person who hurt you. You don’t have to send it; just the act of writing helps you process and let go.
- Forgive Yourself: Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Let go of guilt and self-blame so you can create room for self-compassion.
Forgiveness helps you let go of the emotional baggage, and self-compassion ensures that you treat yourself with kindness along the way. Now, let’s explore how self-compassion can be your secret weapon in building resilience.
Self-Compassion: The Secret to Thriving Through Challenges
When life gets tough, how do you talk to yourself? If you’re like most people, your inner voice might be harsh. But imagine how you’d comfort a dear friend in the same situation — self-compassion is about offering that same kindness to yourself.
Self-compassion has three main elements:
- Self-Kindness: Instead of criticizing yourself for falling short, speak kindly to yourself. For instance, remind yourself, “I’m doing the best I can,” or “It’s okay to not be perfect.”
- Common Humanity: Remember that you’re not alone. Struggles are part of the shared human experience, and knowing others face similar challenges can help you feel less isolated.
- Mindfulness: This means acknowledging your pain without judgment. Instead of pushing your feelings aside, mindfulness encourages you to sit with them and observe them with compassion.
There’s a simple practice you can try right now. Place your hand on your heart when you’re feeling overwhelmed and say, “This is hard right now, but I’m here for myself.” It may feel awkward initially, but over time, it becomes a powerful tool for self-soothing.
My favorite practice is to say “It’s okay sweetheart,” a phrase that I first heard used by Tara Brach.
By combining forgiveness and self-compassion, you open the door to letting go, the final piece of building resilience.
Letting Go: A Path to Inner Peace
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s also an essential part of healing. It doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending something didn’t happen — it means choosing peace.
So, how do you let go? Here are three strategies:
- Declutter Your Mind: Write down the thoughts or memories you want to release. Putting them on paper helps you externalize them and see them more clearly.
- Create Rituals: Symbolic acts, like burning a piece of paper with those thoughts written on it, can bring a sense of closure.
- Focus on the Present: Mindfulness brings you back to the present moment, making it easier to stop ruminating on the past.
Remember: Letting go is a practice, not a one-time event. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this process.
Your Practice Invitation
As you go about your week, I encourage you to practice one small act of self-compassion. Maybe it’s a kind word to yourself, a quiet moment of reflection, or simply letting go of something that’s been holding you back.
Here is something that you can try:
- Reflect on a Relationship: Think about a relationship in your life that could benefit from forgiveness or clearer boundaries. What emotions come up for you when you think about this relationship? Acknowledge them without judgment.
- Write a Forgiveness Letter: Write a letter to the person involved— remember, you don’t need to send it. Start by expressing how you feel, then allow yourself to let go of resentment or blame. If forgiving feels too hard right now, that’s okay—focus on releasing a little bit of the emotional weight.
- Extend Compassion to Yourself: Place a hand on your heart and tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can.” Notice how it feels to treat yourself with kindness in this process.
Or come up with your own experiment. By taking this small, intentional step, you’re not only practicing forgiveness and self-compassion—you’re building the resilience that will serve you in every area of your life.
Ending
In the next episode, we’ll explore how using gratitude and positive self-talk can shift your mindset and increase joy in your everyday life. It’s often the case that you’re stronger than you think and you can keep building your resilience muscle!
You can connect with Damianne on the Changes BIG and small website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. You’re also invited to join the Changes BIG and small Facebook community.
Similar Episodes
Timeline of the Chat
[01:08] What is Resilience and Why it Matters
[03:22] The Role of Forgiveness in Building Resilience
[07:46] The Secret to Thriving Through Challenges
[09:51] The Benefit of Letting Go
[11:01] Invitation
Enjoyed this episode? Please click this link to rate the podcast.
Quick Links
- Shh…Just Listen! Great Things Happen in the Silence by Cathy Mott
- My Journey Within, free on App Store and Google Play
Subscribe to the newsletter
Get news and updates from Damianne by filling out your information below. You can see previous newsletters here.
Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
Note that Amazon Links are affiliate links. This means that I earn a small commission on qualifying purchases made at Amazon if you use this link to make a purchase.
Leave a Reply