Four Invitations of Actions You Can Take to Enjoy Stronger, Closer Friendships

Next time you find yourself in a situation where you want to use conversation to spark a friendship, start off by talking about something that’s important to you. Then notice the reaction of the person you’re talking to. Do they respond positively and connect to the topic? If they do, this is a spark that gives you one thing that you can start to connect on. If not, explore another topic and look for that spark of connection. You won’t find a spark in every conversation, but you do need to pay attention to notice the sparks. The more sparks of connection you have with someone, the better the chance that you can build a friendship with them.

If there is someone that you already have many sparks of connection with, reach out to them to build on that spark and invite them to meet and get to know each other. (It’s okay to let people know that you’re interested in a friendship with them.)

1. Spend time in reflective listening. When you take time to listen and hear another person, there is a different level of connection because you can meet them in a place where you can have a conversation together.

2. Be in the question. Come from a place of curiosity, of “I wonder”. Slow down, take time and be in the question together. Leave space to explore what is happening and what is needed rather than jumping straight to action.

3. Follow your heart and live your truth. Be present and connected and feel the way forward.

4. Use descriptive praise. Share what’s wonderful and what you want more of. The way to do that is by giving energy to what you want to grow rather than giving energy to what you want to go.

Think about your own forgiveness profile. Consider what transgressions you’ve done that you’ve wanted forgiveness for or gotten forgiveness for. Use that to add care into your own process of deciding when and if to forgive another person.

On a sticky note or using an electronic calendar, set a reminder for yourself for “Social Hour” each week. If you schedule this time, do it earlier in the week, way before the weekend to have enough time for any plans that you make.

During social hour, you’ll do one of two things:

1. Reach out to people who are in your network, close or not as close to you, and work on establishing a connection r rapport. After some back and forth, you can suggest meeting up and doing something together.

2. Find events that are happening in your city that are interesting to you to attend, where you could potentially make new connections. Attend them and have fun meeting new people, practicing and improving the art of small talk to find common ground.

By doing those two things every week, you are making space for the social life that you want, and it helps you build momentum.