How to Experience Joy During Life’s Challenges

[00:00] Damianne President: Thank you for listening to this episode of Changes, Big and Small. Um, Damianne President your host, as we explore small steps that can help you make big changes to build the life that you want.

Last week, we talked about breaking free from shoulds to unlock authentic joy. Today, we’re diving into something that might seem counter intuitive, finding joy during life’s challenges. 

[00:28] Personal Story: Discovering Joy in Simple Moments

[00:28] Damianne President: Let me share a story that changed my perspective. When I finished university, I found myself facing multiple pressures. Student loans were looming and I had limited job prospects in Ontario because there was a surplus of teachers.

And I needed to move out of my parents’ home. During what felt like my lowest point, I discovered unexpected moments of joy in the simplest things. For example my job, taking a short break to just walk from the university of Ottawa heart Institute through the tunnel to the main hospital gave me a bit of a pause, a time to reset. And I would go every dayq to Second Cup, just to get that break, just to get a moment to be with myself, to be in myself and experience who I was and find a little spark of joy. And yes, coffee was what did it for me, mostly creme brulee coffee, so not real coffee by any means, but still, it was a time out for me that I really enjoyed everyday. That’s small change in atmosphere, that brief escape gave me a room to breathe and find moments of peace. This experience taught me something profound. 

[01:46] Understanding Joy in Challenges

[01:46] Damianne President: Joy isn’t waiting for perfect circumstances but it’s about finding and creating meaningful moments within our current reality no matter how challenging it might be. I was recently reminded of this lesson through a conversation with a friend. She’s in her seventies and she described how doing multiple activities in one day left her feeling quite depleted the next day. Her story perfectly illustrates why we need to rethink how we approach joy during difficult times. And during times of transition in our lives. 

[02:22] Exploring Different Types of Challenges

[02:22] Damianne President: What’s fascinating is that research shows about 40% of adults face some form of chronic challenge whether physical, mental, or emotional. Yet many find ways to experience joy. Not despite their challenges, but through learning how to navigate them. Today, we’re going to explore how to maintain joy while navigating life significant challenges, whether there are physical, mental, emotional, or material. And actually we’re going to look at them a little bit differently. 

We’re going to look at what’s common through those different challenges. And then we’ll look at some practical strategies and real stories of people who found light in those difficult moments. 

So to start off, let’s talk about the nature of challenges. When facing life’s challenges, whether visible or invisible. It’s easy to feel that joy is out of reach. 

Let’s explore how different types of challenges affect our capacity for joy through three fundamental patterns: loss of control, disruption of normal patterns, and resource depletion. Let’s start with loss of control. The main one here is physical challenges and that can be chronic pain or health limitations. And those often rob us of the ability to predict how our days will unfold. 

Similarly, mental health challenges can make us feel powerless over our own facts and emotions. And even external challenges like job loss or housing insecurity can shake our sense of stability and control of our circumstances. Think about all of the fires happening in California right now. And that really brings up a loss of control for people because there’s nothing that they can really do to save their houses, to save their possessions. 

The second pattern is disruption of normal patterns. Emotional challenges like grief or depression usually disrupt our usual ways of finding joy. Similarly, relationship difficulties, either fighting or going through some sort of separation can really upend our support systems and our daily routines. Identity challenges, whether they’re from cultural displacement or major life transitions also force us to reconstruct how we engage with the world. 

Now for our last category resource depletion. 

We tend to find that material hardships drain our financial and emotional resources. We may end up with caregiving responsibilities either for older parents or even for younger people in the family like grandchildren, and those can really exhaust our physical and mental energy. 

Now if you have a chronic health condition those tend to require careful management of limited energy reserves. And they affect your capacity to engage in activities that would typically bring you joy. 

What’s remarkable is that about 40% of adults face some form of chronic challenge. Yet many find ways to experience joy despite these challenges, but through learning how to navigate them. This tells us something profound. Joy isn’t just a condition we fall into, but something we create through our perspective and engagements with our experiences. 

The path forward isn’t about forcing positivity or denying reality. Instead it’s about creating space for multiple truths, acknowledging our challenges while remaining open to moments of light. This always makes me think about when I went to my grandmother’s funeral and it was kind of funny because I could hear people laughing. And at first I got a bit annoyed because I was, I was heartbroken. I was so sad. And I didn’t understand how could they be laughing in that moment? But then, a few hours later after the funeral, I run into some cousins. And I found myself laughing and enjoying the company of family members that I hadn’t seen in a long time. 

I absolutely wasn’t denying the reality. I was grieving. I grieved for years and I still have moments of grief about losing my grandmother in my life. And yet I could have moments of joy, in the same scenario in the same situation. 

Really understanding those common patterns helps us develop strategies that work across different types of challenges, making enjoy more accessible even in difficult times. 

[07:17] Identifying Patterns in Your Life

[07:17] Damianne President: I would like to invite you to take a moment to reflect. Which of these patterns do you recognize in your own challenges? Are you maybe having a disruption of your normal pattern? Or are you experiencing resource depletion or loss of control? 

You can pause the episode now and jot down how loss of control, disruption or resource depletion shows up in your life. How do they affect your joy? 

When you’re ready to continue, then press play. 

[07:47] Strategies for Maintaining Joy

[07:47] Damianne President: Now that we understand how challenges affect our joy, let’s explore how to shift our perspective. And really what we want to do is we want to reframe joy. Because the path to authentic joy requires moving beyond simplistic good vibes only thinking to embrace the more nuanced understanding of the human experience. 

Really what we’re doing is we’re moving beyond toxic positivity. And just to make sure we’re all on the same page. Toxic positivity is the pressure to maintain a positive outlook at all costs. And that can actually harm our mental wellbeing. So if we go back to the example of my grandmother, I was still grieving. I was still sad. I didn’t say, oh, look how wonderful this day is that I get to meet my family and friends. I should get over being sad. No. 

There are times when it’s absolutely appropriate to be sad. And the trouble is that when we deny or suppress difficult emotions, we create additional stress for ourselves and we prevent ourselves from healing. So instead of forcing positivity, we need to create space for the full range of human emotions. And remain open to moments of joy. 

I talked about this in a previous episode, but really the difference between joy and happiness is that happiness is a temporary emotion that is tied to external circumstances. Whereas joy represents something deeper and more enduring. Happiness depends on getting what we want while joy can co-exist with hardship and difficulty. So joy is internally generated from gratitude and from purpose. It’s more stable and lasting than happiness and it’s independent of external conditions. It’s also compatible with all the emotions, including sadness. 

Now I just talked about sparks of joy or moments of joy. And definitely there are things that we can do that bring up this emotional experience for us that we call joy. And that is very closely tied to happiness. But the state about it leaves you in, how you feel, the feelings that you can internalize, that is really where joy comes from. 

Research actually shows that positive emotions help us build lasting psychological resources that can enhance resilience. And this creates an upward spiral where experiencing enjoy increases resilience, which in turn helps us find more joy, even during challenges. You can find more about that in a previous episode?? as well. And I’ll add to the show notes. 

I also found it really interesting in preparing for this episode to find out that different cultural traditions offer valuable perspectives on finding joy amid mid suffering. While the Western approaches often focus on eliminating pain, many Eastern philosophies recognize that suffering is part of the path to deeper meaning. And indigenous wisdom emphasizes finding balance and maintaining spiritual connection, even through difficulties. So, if you’re interested in knowing more about this, it would be worth looking into how different traditions other than your own talk about suffering and its relationship with joy or its coexistence with joy. 

Rather than viewing joy as a destination to reach, we can approach it as an ongoing practice. And this involves cultivating mindful awareness of small pleasures, so really learning to savor. It also means building meaningful connections before this, because we are social creatures. So our relationships before the people motto. It involves engaging in activities that align with our values because when you are acting in a way that is aligned with your values, then you feel more at peace. 

Another element of joy is finding purpose beyond personal happiness. This could mean finding ways to contribute to the things that are important to you, to the organizations or the environments that are important to you. And the last part we’ll cover today is developing gratitude as a daily habit. 

[12:19] Gratitude as a Daily Habit

[12:19] Damianne President: Let’s try a brief exercise together. I want you to, to take a moment and take three deep breaths, like full belly, full chess, moving all through your body breaths. Then do a full exhale. And notice one thing in your current environment that brings you a moment of peace. This simple practice helps you train your brain to feel gratitude even during difficulties. 

The key is understanding that joy isn’t about waiting for the perfect circumstances. But rather, it’s about creating meaningful moments within our current reality, whatever it may be. 

So now we’re going to look at translating this understanding into our daily actions. 

[13:08] Energy Management for Sustaining Joy

[13:08] Damianne President: There are some concrete strategies that you can use for maintaining joy while navigating challenges. And we’ll go through two of them. 

The first is around your energy and resources. It’s important to understand your personal energy patterns. For example, I have a friend in her seventies and recently I was talking to her about how she’d done multiple activities in one day that seemed to leave her completely depleted the next. This is an example of why energy management matters. 

So take a moment right now. Grab a piece of paper and draw what your typical energy curve looks like throughout the day. What are your low points? What are your high points? This visual tool will help you plan activities more effectively. 

For example, I know that my brain is not at its best after 10:00 PM. I’m likely to do more creative activities, activities that really require my brain power earlier in the day. I tend to like to do them first thing in the day. That’s when I seem to have the best results. 

So you want to manage your energy effectively. For example, track your daily patterns to identify your peak times. And notice early warning signs of fatigue. Don’t let it get to the extreme. Know when you need to give yourself a break, when you need to pull it back, when you need to modify what you’re doing. And that really means matching tasks to your energy levels. 

As I mentioned before, plan so that you’re doing high energy task, high brain power tasks at the right moment of the day. And build in recovery periods. Don’t let yourself hit the wall before you take a break. Build in routines regularly of recovery, of rest. 

[15:04] The Importance of Flexibility

[15:04] Damianne President: Creating sustainable routines requires flexibility. Especially when you’re dealing with unpredictable challenges, for example, migraines. So consider scheduling activities with built in flexibility. Maybe you’re planning to go and have a talk. But you wake up and you have a migraine. What else could you do instead? 

Could you stay in bed longer so that you don’t have to travel and do the event remotely? Or do you need to reschedule it entirely? Thinking ahead about what you’ll do in different situations and building flexibility into your routine will make it much easier for you. Have backup plans. 

[15:45] The Importance of Rest and Recovery

[15:45] Damianne President: It’s very important for you to remember to build in rest and recovery, especially if you’re dealing with a physical limitation or a mental limitation. And one option could be for you to break tasks into 15 minutes manageable chance or even shorter. If five minutes is what you can do, break up your tasks that way. Be realistic about what you can achieve. And work with the limitations, whatever limitations that you have, whatever challenges that you have. Don’t just give up and think, oh, joy is no longer available to me because things are different than they used to be. Certainly you can find different approaches that you can use working with your body, working with your limitations. 

[16:31] Leveraging Your Support Network

[16:31] Damianne President: And this is where having a strong support network can really be helpful. No one should have to really navigate challenges alone. Your support system are people who are in your life that could be friends or family, or they could be people that you pay. Or there could be social resources provided by various organizations or by the social structure where you live. So this could be emotional support from family and friends, knowing who you can call when you need a laugh or need a hug or for different types of emotional support, having professional health, maybe that’s a therapy or a counselor, or maybe it’s a coach that can help you figure out what is it that you can achieve, what is it that you want to achieve and how you will get there? Peer support groups can be great because those are people with shared experiences that can really empathize with you and that can also help you come up with solutions that have worked for them that you could try. And online communities are very useful for understanding and acknowledgement. They tend to be a little bit more flexible, a little bit more ad hoc than a peer support group. 

You can find people with lots of different experiences. And the other thing to note is that those peer communities, those support networks can be online or they can be in person. There’s really a wealth of opportunity available, if you’re open to it and if you’re looking for it, 

So take a moment right now to think about your support network. It’s really a web of connections. And maybe you just want to map this out. I find that to be a really fun activity to do. Who are your emotional supporters, who I are practical helpers. Do you have any professional guides? Are there fellow travelers that you can journey with. Pause to identify at least one person in each category. 

Maintaining those relationships is very important. And it’s especially important that when you’re maintaining those relationships during challenges, that you do it in a way where you express your needs clearly. Let people know exactly what they can do for you and what you don’t want them to do for you. Set appropriate boundaries and decide who you’re going to share what details with. Not everybody needs to know everything about your challenge. It might be appropriate for you to say something to a best friend. That is very different than what you will say to your supervisor. Maybe you need to say certain things to HR because of accommodations. Think about who needs to know, what is it that you want to tell them, and what details are appropriate for you to share. 

And the last thing is to just accept help gracefully. Lots of people are willing to help. Lots of people want to help. And if you’ve curated your network, then it’s much easier for people to be able to support you if you’re able to accept help gracefully. 

[19:34] Daily Joy Practices

[19:34] Damianne President: We talked earlier about the energy curve, but it might be that your energy changes from day-to-day. So you may want to start each day with a daily assessment to understand your capabilities. And during the day, remember to find joy in small moments. Maybe it’s savoring an extra few seconds in a hug. Oh, it’s celebrating a small victory, like getting out of bed, making it into the shower. 

You might want to take a moment for a few mindful breaths and just notice what’s happening in your body or look outside at something. Notice your moments of peace. Sometimes we get so busy. That we fail to acknowledge and to savor when we have a moment of peace. And that is so helpful for mental health that I want to encourage you to take note of those moments of peace. Notice when you feel peaceful and where, who you’re with. And how you might be able to recreate it. 

This could look like a structured daily routine. So, for example, maybe you have a morning energy practice. You could start with a body scan to assess your energy levels. And then you might match your daily tasks to your energy patterns. You might want to schedule recovery periods between activities. And this is very important because this is the part that we often leave off, which is to plan one small joy practice or one small celebration each day. 

So, this is what your moring could look like. And then at midday, maybe you need a reset. You could take a mindful nature break. Or you could practice communal eating. Sometimes eating with somebody else can be a really enlivening activity. After all we, as social creatures. You might want to engage in some gentle movement right at your desk, or even lying in bed. And connect with one supportive person. 

And then finally in the evening, wind down, you could create a gratitude ritual. Or for some people it will be a prayer ritual. Share one positive moments, plan tomorrow with flexibility, and practice restful activities. 

Remember these strategies work best when they’re. Adapted to your specific situation and your energy levels. The goal isn’t to push through, but to create sustainable practices that honor both your challenges and your capacity for joy. 

[22:10] Adapting to Specific Challenges

[22:10] Damianne President: Now let’s adapt those basic practices to specific challenges. 

 We’re going to go back to those three categories of challenges that we talked about earlier and look at some tools for each of them. 

Starting with for loss of control. When you’re facing challenges or situations where control feels limited, you could create micro routines that you can maintain. Focus on what you can influence. Develop flexible backup plans. Practice acceptance of uncertainty. That’s a big one for me. And build predictable moments of joy. 

The next challenge is the disrupted pattern. When your normal routines are up ended, you can create new rituals that fit your current circumstances. Don’t hold on tightly to the past, but recognize what is happening for you right now and adapt your activities to your new limitations. You can also find alternative ways to maintain connections and establish fresh daily rhythms. One thing that can be really helpful is to identify new sources of meaning. If you’ve lost some that are very meaningful to you. 

The last challenge we’ll cover is the resource depletion challenge. When your energy or your other resources our limited, remember to map and honor your energy patterns. Break your task into smaller manageable pieces. And build recovery periods in. You don’t want to assess your community resources and practice energy efficient joy activities, where you can still have joy while managing your energy. 

Each pattern requires different approaches to conserve energy, to conserve your resources, whichever ones you’re challenged with while you’re maintaining joy. The keys matching activities to your available resources and adapting them as needed. Remember these are just starting points. You can adjust the timing and the activities to match your personal energy patterns and your personal circumstances. 

I would like to invite you to take a moment to identify which pattern most affects you right now. What’s one small strategy from that category that you can try this week. Remember, those strategies work best when they’re adapted to your specific situation. The goal isn’t to overcome challenges completely but to create sustainable practices that honor both your limitations and your capacity for joy. 

 I’ve talked about building resilience in previous episodes of the podcast, but I just want to say briefly that if you do the activities and follow the strategies I’ve been talking about in this episode, you will be building your resilience. I do want to add two things to that. 

[24:59] Celebrating Progress and Finding Purpose

[24:59] Damianne President: The first is about celebrating progress. And the second is around service and purpose. So first starting with celebrating progress. 

It’s very important to acknowledge your growth and the ways you can do that is by noticing your small daily victories, tracking your progress of the time, sharing achievements with your supporters and creating meaningful rituals of celebration. So, who do you want to share with as you achieve different milestones, as you are able to overcome your challenges and how do you want to celebrate your progress? 

Those are very important.

Now, the last part is about service and purpose. When we’re facing our own challenges, turning outward to help others can create unexpected pathways to joy. 

The award-winning wellbeing expert, Liggy webb sent in this quote to me. One of the most powerful things that we can do to bring us joy when we are faced with challenges is to do something kind and helpful for all the people. This gives us a strong sense of purpose and helps us to focus our attention towards others rather than feeding and fueling our anxiety. 

I think this is such a great reminder because many of us tend to turn completely inward during difficult times. However, research shows that joy comes not just from what we do for ourselves but also what we do for others. And this outward focus can create meaningful connections beyond our own struggles. It helps us get a new perspective on our challenges. And this can reduce our anxiety by shifting our attention externally. It also helps build community through mutual support. The key is finding ways that honor both your current capabilities and your limitations. That might mean helping one person instead of many. Or offering emotional support when physical support isn’t possible, sharing your experience to benefit others, maybe in one of those online communities we talked about earlier or in a peer group. By engaging in service to others, we often discover that joy flows naturally from those meaningful connections and those purposeful activities. 

Before we continue, I would like to invite you to take a moment to identify one small way you could help someone else this week, keeping your current energy levels in mind. Remember that resilience isn’t about constant forward motion. It’s about creating sustainable practices that both honor your challenges and help you move forward. 

[27:36] Invitation 

[27:36] Damianne President: As we wrap up today’s episode. I invite you to try one small joy practice this week. Choose something that feels manageable within your current circumstances. Here are some ideas:

• Notice when you feel most alive and energized. 
• Create one small ritual that brings you peace. 
• Practice receiving help with grace. 
• Provide help with a kind act for another person. 

My last suggestion is for you to share your experience with someone who understands or someone who is building understanding. And if you have your own suggestion, let me know contact at Changes, Big and Small dot com. I’d love to know what you try out. Remember that joy isn’t about waiting for perfect circumstances. It’s about creating meaningful moments within our current reality, whatever they might be.