Introduction
Today we’re diving into the core of our inner world with a look at how you can use mindfulness and self-appreciation to unlock intimacy with yourself.
So far in this series, we’ve explored the multifaceted topic of happiness and discussed various ways that we could use self talk to serve us. By focusing on mindfulness and self-appreciation, we’ll see how to use these two practices to unlock deeper intimacy with ourselves, to truly befriending the person we are and whom we aspire to be. So we’ll spend some time to unfold the layers of mindfulness and examine the value of self-appreciation. Though this process, we’ll learn to appreciate the quiet moments, the small victories, and the gentleness of self-love as practices that guide us to a fuller, more intimate relationship with ourselves.
Exploring Mindfulness
This is not the first time that we’ve talked about mindfullness in this series. To recap, in the simplest terms, mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment. But I want to offer you the thought that it’s more than that—it’s actually a way of being, an approach to life that says ‘I am here, and I am acutely aware of my thoughts, my feelings, and my surroundings at this moment.’
Imagine mindfulness as a thread or an anchor that connects you or grounds you in the ‘now.’ It allows you to observe your life with clarity, and to experience each moment without the distraction of past regrets or future anxieties. This clarity is really a gift because what it does is offer us the chance to respond to life’s events with grace rather than the automatic reactions that are bred from our habits.
But how do we cultivate such a state of presence to be mindful? It starts with the breath, that constant companion we often take for granted. By focusing on our breath, we rest our attention in the present. And the beautiful thing is that since you always take your breath everywhere with you, mindfulness is always available to you. You can also practice mindfulness while you walk, eat, or engage in daily activities. When you do that, you’re better able to savor each sensation and experience as it unfolds.
As we embrace mindfulness, we begin to notice the subtle beauty in life—the warmth of the sun, the texture of the food we eat, the nuances in the voice of a friend. These moments build a foundation for a more intentional and appreciative way of living. As we notice what’s really happen in a moment, we can have thoughts about them, allowing the inner voice to chatter in a more helpful way. It can start to incorporate more pleasure and empathy connected to various experiences in our lives.
So, I invite you to pause, breathe, and be. Right this moment and every moment, you can use presence to live life more fully.
Cultivating Self-Appreciation
The other habit we’ll be exploring is self-appreciation. What comes up for you when you hear me say that? Do you immediately think that it sounds somehow self-centered? Why is okay to berate yourself mentally and think unhelpful thoughts but not to show yourself appreciation?
Don’t fall into the trap of equating self-appreciation with the ego or self-aggrandizement; it’s about acknowledging your own worth and contributions with the same enthusiasm that you’d show for the achievements of your closest fried.
Cultivating self-appreciation is an art. It begins with simple acknowledgments. Perhaps it’s praising yourself for a job well done or recognizing the courage you mustered in a difficult situation. It can be as straightforward as looking in the mirror each morning and saying, ‘I value you.’
For me, I feel self appreciation when I wake up early and get the most important task of my day done first. When I’m felling silly, I might even high-five myself. This happens especially after a tough workout where I resisted the temptation to quit.
When do you show yourself appreciation and how do you do it? Make note that appreciation is not only about accomplishments, but also about our growth. We don’t want to lose sight of how well we do along the way in the process, because we’re too busy looking at the final product. Remember that every lesson learned and every bit of progress made, no matter how small, is a testament to your evolving self.
So why not create a ritual around self-appreciation? Maybe it’s a weekly reflection where you jot down three things you appreciate about yourself. Or perhaps it’s a quiet moment at the end of the day to savor a personal victory.
As we foster this sense of self-appreciation, we build a reservoir of self-esteem that feeds into every aspect of our lives, enriching our sense of intimacy with ourselves and, in turn, with the world.
Building Intimacy with Self
As we cultivate mindfulness and self-appreciation, we’re not just engaging in self-care; we’re building intimacy with the deepest parts of ourselves. This intimacy is a quiet conversation where you listen intently to yourself to know your true needs and desires, and speak with love.
To deepen intimacy, create moments for self-discovery. As you practice mindfulness, you’ll notice and learn more about yourself. Notice your thoughts and feelings and get to know yourself as you would a close friend. Ask yourself questions: What brings me peace? What stirs my passion?
Embrace your quirks and idiosyncrasies. Celebrate your strengths and embrace your vulnerabilities. This is the essence of self-intimacy – it’s about knowing, accepting, and loving yourself unconditionally.
Overcoming Barriers to Mindfulness and Self-Appreciation
As you go through life, obstacles can emerge, challenging our practice of mindfulness and self-appreciation. Perhaps it’s the hustle of daily life, the inner critic, or simply forgetting to take a moment for ourselves.
To overcome these barriers, we must first recognize them as part of the journey, not as failures. When time is short, integrate mindfulness into simple activities, like savoring the taste of your morning coffee or feeling the water on your skin in the shower.
If your inner critic speaks too loudly, counter its voice with self-compassion. Write down your achievements and the qualities you admire about yourself, and revisit them when doubts arise.
And if you forget to practice self-appreciation, gently remind yourself that each day is a new opportunity to begin again. Set reminders, create rituals, and surround yourself with prompts that bring you back to the present moment and to the appreciation of self.
Let’s move past these barriers with grace, understanding that each step we take towards mindfulness and self-appreciation brings us closer to a more intimate and loving relationship with ourselves.
Invitation/Challenge
My invitation to you this episode is to dedicate a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness and to appreciate one thing about yourself. Start with the same time each day during an activity that you already routinely complete. For example, it could be during your shower, as you commute to work by public transport or each time you brush your teeth. Share your experience with us @changesbigandsmall as part of celebrating that you took action for yourself.
Listener Engagement:
What can I do if I notice my inner dialogue is mostly critical, and how can I begin to change it?
If you find that your inner dialogue is mostly critical, the first step is acknowledging this pattern without judgment. Begin by practicing mindfulness, which allows you to observe your thoughts and identify the critical ones as they arise. Once you’re aware, gently challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this criticism constructive or just negative?” and “Would I speak to someone I care about in this way?”
Start replacing critical thoughts with kinder, more compassionate ones. For instance, if you think “I’m not good enough,” add another helpful thought “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Over time, this practice can help reshape your inner dialogue, making it more supportive and less critical.
Remember, change takes time and consistency. Celebrate small victories when you successfully shift your thoughts, and be patient with yourself as you work towards a more positive and empowering inner dialogue.
Conclusion
As we wrap up today’s episode, remember that mindfulness and self-appreciation are not just practices but ways to build a deeper connection with yourself.
In the next episode, we’ll discuss how you can recognize, honor, and pursue your true desires, shaping a life that reflects who you are at your core.
You can connect with Damianne on the Changes BIG and small website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. You’re also invited to join the Changes BIG and small Facebook community.
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Quick Links
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Credits
- Theme music by Rafael Krux. Inspiration on freepd.com. License: CC0
- Script edited by ChatGPT
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